A Reckless Life Read online

  “I need an heir.” For the first time, Violet turned her head away from the window and looked directly at me.

  I immediately felt really uncomfortable with the conversation and no longer wanted to be there. I didn’t know where she was going with that, and I didn’t want to know. It was the strangest thing for her to say to me. I was the cook’s assistant, not a family member. Why in the world would she ever say something like that to me? I needed to get out of there before this very odd conversation went any further.

  “I really have to get back to work.” I got up and started walking toward the door.

  “Abigail!” She didn’t quite yell, but it was definitely stern.

  I stopped, turned around and walked back to the chair. I promptly sat down. When the lady of the house yells, I knew I’d better listen.

  “Adam’s father, Henry, made him marry Sarah. Adam is still so young, and our only son, but Henry wanted him to settle down, start a family, and take over the business. I was against it, of course, but he had a point, so I relented. We put Sarah through medical school, you know. She is a brilliant woman, I have to give her that. She got through in half the time it takes most to get through. She is certainly not one of my favorite people, low class for sure.” She very quickly paused at that and looked me up and down. I could tell she was comparing me to Sarah and it made me feel like cattle. Such a strange feeling. “But, I knew that as a doctor she would make a suitable wife for our son.”

  I did know that Sarah had finished medical school, but was still working on her license, which was why she was gone so much.

  At that moment, as if right on queue, Sarah walked in. She looked from from Violet to me and back to Violet again, clearly perplexed. I’m sure we were the last two people she ever imagined would be sitting down having a chat. I jumped up immediately, grateful for the diversion, and almost ran out of the room. Neither one said a word to me. I think I actually felt Sarah’s eyes boring a hole into my back as I ran out the door.

  Chapter 8

  I tried my best to keep my head down and just do my job. I loved cooking and couldn’t have been happier with the way things turned out. I have to admit though that I had a really hard time staying away from the drugs. But, I told myself that I wouldn’t go back to that way of life no matter what, and that’s what I intended to do. Still, it was tough, especially at night when I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to get high. Oh how I wished that I had never met Josie and gotten into partying. My life certainly wasn’t perfect, but it was good, before she showed up. I was doing just fine without her. Even though I know I can make my own decisions, I still blamed Josie for everything that happened to me. If we hadn’t literally run into each other in the hallway that day at school, I wouldn’t be the runaway drug addict that I turned out to be. I would be home, happy, going to school everyday, and just being a normal teenager. Not now though. Now I was living in a house full of strangers and cooking for them, as well as putting up with their problems and attitude toward me. I knew I wouldn’t be there forever, so I would have to make the best of it.

  I had even asked around the ranch a bit to see if I could get some cocaine, or anything else for that matter. What I got for my efforts was nothing but a lot of strange looks. It seemed that the Tyler family had a very strict policy against that sort of thing, and had fired many people over the years with nothing but suspicions. So, everyone was terrified of even looking like they were involved in drugs. Good jobs like they had were hard to come by, and they knew it.

  I really couldn’t blame them. Because I started to fear for my job if someone had a big mouth, I let it go and didn’t mention it again to anyone. Still, I could feel them whispering about me whenever I was around. None of it helped me make any friends. For the most part, I was a loner on the ranch. It was a sad way to exist and I just hoped that things would improve as I got to know people. There certainly were plenty of them around, with all the ranch hands and horse trainers they had working there. Not to mention that some of them had their families all living on the ranch also.

  I felt that the head chef, Oliver, didn’t like me much. He let me be in charge of some of the meals here and there, so he could take some time off, but he didn’t do that often. He knew that I was a better cook than he was and he probably feared for his job, even though I never gave him any reason to think I was after it. He still gossiped shamelessly, he couldn’t help himself, but he watched me carefully. He clearly didn’t trust me and it felt like I had eyes on me all the time.

  A few days after my strange encounter with Violet in the library, John found me in the kitchen preparing lamb for the night’s dinner. Oliver had gone out for some supplies and I was there alone. I looked up when I heard him walk into the room. At his size, he had a very difficult time sneaking up on anyone. He was a little scary. He looked around to make sure no one was there to hear him.

  “Abbey, Mrs. Tyler would like to speak with you in her sitting room,” he announced. He had a deep, booming voice, that was hard to ignore. Even though he didn’t specify which Mrs. Tyler he meant, I knew.

  “Okay, let me finish this up and I’ll be right there.”

  “No. She wants to speak to you right now. That can wait.” Impatience was clearly intended in his words.

  He wasn’t usually so harsh, so I figured I’d better listen. I put down the knife and immediately walked over to the kitchen sink to wash my hands. John crossed his arms and was starting to look irritated.

  “I can’t really go speak with Mrs. Tyler with lamb’s blood on my hands, can I?” I sounded a bit defiant. But really, what did he expect?

  John did not respond. He just took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It seemed as if he was trying really hard not to yell at me. Sometimes he forgot that I didn’t work for him. As soon as I dried my hands, I followed him to her room. He walked briskly and I had to trot to keep up.

  “I know where her room is, John,” I called after him, trying to catch my breath.

  Again, he did not respond. He quietly knocked on her door and announced my presence, then he turned and left, glaring at me as he walked away.

  “Come in Abigail,” Violet called through the door.

  I knew where her room was, but I had never actually been inside. I was not a maid and had absolutely no reason to ever enter her room. When I did walk in, I was shocked. It was the largest bedroom I had ever seen in my life. It was almost as large as the ballroom, with a sitting room and bathroom connected. Even though the two closets were closed, they looked enormous from the outside. Her room was decorated all in violet and white, and was just gorgeous. It suited her.

  “Please come in and sit down.” She motioned to a chair opposite of the one she was sitting in, and I sat down.

  While I waited quietly for her to tell me why she had summoned me, all kinds of crazy things crossed my mind. Before I had a chance to catalog them all, she started speaking.

  “Abigail, I would like to continue our conversation from the other day.”

  “Okay.” I had such a way with words. She didn’t seem to notice.

  “As I said before, Sarah cannot have children. They have tried and she has seen a few doctors and their chances are very slim. Almost non-existent actually.” She looked over at me for some sort of reaction.

  “I’m not really sure why you are telling me this. It really is none of my business. I’m sure Adam and Sarah would not want me to know all these personal things about them.” I was very nervous. Violet always made me that way whenever I was around her.

  “Well, I’m making it your business.” She seemed a bit perturbed at my response.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful. I just don’t understand is all.” I tried to make her feel a bit more at ease.

  “I know you don’t. Let me explain.” Even from several feet away, I could smell the rum on her breath.

  “Since Adam is our only child, the bloodline stops with him if he ha
s no children. I can’t possibly let that happen. He must have a child. It is my duty to see that that happens.”

  I was confused. I had no idea why she was telling me any of this. I’m sure she could see it on my face.

  “This is where you come in.” She looked me in the eyes to see if I understood. I didn’t.

  She waited while I sat there thinking about what she said. Then, all of a sudden the realization hit me.

  “Are you kidding me!” I yelled. Jumping up out of my seat, knocking over my chair in my haste.

  Violet looked at me, then at the fallen chair, then back up at me. I watched her as she rolled her eyes at me and let out a deep breath of exasperation. She didn’t even care that I was looking directly at her when she did it.

  “Abigail, please sit down,” she calmly said.

  “No, I don’t think so. You are completely out of your mind if you think I’m going to have his baby!” Then I calmed down for a second, afraid that I was completely wrong about her intentions. “That’s what you meant, right?” I said a bit meekly.

  “Please sit down, so I can explain.” She was still very calm about the whole thing.

  I put my chair back upright and sat down. “I am not going to be a surrogate for them. Does Sarah even know we are talking?” I asked her, more calmly now.

  “My goodness, Abigail, you are dramatic.” She smiled. “I do not want you to become a surrogate. Wherever did you get that idea?” She was being deliberately coy with me.

  I was confused again. “Then what in the world am I doing here?” I asked her. The whole conversation was making my head hurt.

  She took a deep breath. “Yes, I want you to have Adam’s baby. But, Adam and Sarah are to know nothing about our arrangement, ever.”

  “What? I still don’t understand. How would I have his baby without them knowing about it?” I decided to play along to find out where she was going with this.

  “Well, they would know you are having his baby. They just wouldn’t know I was involved.” She smiled tentatively at me.

  “That makes no sense. Do you want me to be a surrogate or not?”

  “No, Abigail, please try to keep up.” By the tone of her voice, she was getting irritated with me. “I’ll try to get right to the point. I want you to have Adam’s baby. You will then give the baby to Adam and Sarah to raise as their own. I will pay you handsomely for your services. It will be a business arrangement, nothing more. And Adam and Sarah can’t know anything about our deal.”

  I can’t believe that I didn’t run screaming out of that room as fast as I could, but I was genuinely curious at that point. “So, let me see if I got this right.” I began. “You don’t want me to be a surrogate, so I’m guessing you are suggesting that I sleep with Adam and get pregnant on purpose? Then I have the baby and hand it over to them? And they are going to be completely fine with the whole thing?” I was not asking rhetorical questions. I really wanted to know the answers.

  “Yes, that is pretty much what I am saying. And, once it is done, you will never want for money again, ever. I will make sure you get a generous monthly check for the rest of your life.”

  I’m sure she had no idea I was only 15 years old. I couldn’t tell her though, because I told them I was 18 when I was hired. If I told her now, I would lose everything. I really had no idea how to respond. It was crazy, I know, but I told her I would have to think about it.

  “That will be fine, Abigail.”

  That’s when I got out of there as quickly as I could, before she came up with anymore crazy ideas. I headed back to the kitchen to finish my dinner preparations. Oliver was there when I arrived and was terribly upset with me.

  “Where the hell have you been? I came back from the store and you weren’t here and everything was just sitting out in the open, with no one doing any cooking. Is this what you do every time I leave the house?” he snarled at me.

  Oliver was a relatively short man, maybe 5’ 8” or so, in his 40s, a bit pudgy, and had long, dark hair. He almost always had it braided down his back. I don’t know why he kept it that way. He could actually be handsome if he cut it all off. That day, he had it all piled up on top of his head in a sort of man bun. He looked ridiculous and I fought hard not to laugh at him.

  “Of course not. But, Mrs. Tyler, Violet, not Sarah, called me to do some work for her. I couldn’t really tell her no.” He looked like he didn’t believe me. “Go ask her, if you want.” I challenged him, pointing in the direction of her room. I knew he wouldn’t dare.

  Oliver just gave me a look. “Well, get back to work. We are way behind and I am the one that will get admonished if dinner is late,” he hissed at me.

  I didn’t respond. I just finished my work.

  Chapter 9

  After dinner and clean up was all done, I went to my room. I had tried to make my tiny room more homey, because it was terribly plain when I arrived. But, truth is, I didn’t have many possessions at all, and certainly nothing to decorate with. Now that I was working steadily, I was saving most of my money, because I didn’t need to spend it on much. I had a free place to live, free meals, no expenses for utilities and such. The only thing I spent money on was clothes and a few personal items. None of that came to much, so I saved the vast majority of the money I made.

  I didn’t want to spend any money on decor for a room in a house that I didn’t even own, so I kept my eyes open for things I could use to spruce the place up. I found a few trinkets and framed pictures in the storage room one day and asked Sarah if I could decorate my room with them. She told me it was fine with her. Those items were all just sitting around unused and collecting dust anyway. She was sure to let me know that I could not take them with me whenever I left my employment with them. She didn’t need to tell me that, I would never have taken them anyway.

  I found an old vase under the kitchen sink one day and asked if I could borrow it for my room. Oliver just waved his hand at me, the way he always did when I was annoying him, and said it was fine. I then took a few cuttings from the rose garden, hoping no one would care, and made myself a nice vase of roses for my room. I had to replenish it with new cuttings every week or so. No one seemed to notice. I always took the cuttings from the back of the bushes when no one was around. I had to be sneaky though. I didn’t know if that was a fireable offense or not and I didn’t want to find out the hard way. The gardener caught me one day and was really nice about it when I told him what I was doing. After that, I frequently found different flowers already cut and tied in a bunch waiting for me on the bench in the garden. He was a sweet man and I think he had a little crush on me.

  I laid down on my bed to really think about what Violet had proposed. The whole thing was ridiculous, of course, but I have to admit, I was tempted. Never having to worry about money again would be the most fantastic thing to ever happen to me. But, could I actually seduce Adam, have his baby and give him or her away? That would be my own child after all. Could I live with giving my child away and never seeing him or her again? Did I trust Sarah to raise my baby right? And Violet. What kind of influence would she have? She had such an odd relationship with Adam and I didn’t want that relationship to carry over to my child. I know that if I did give him or her up, I would have no say so in their upbringing. But, it all still made me nervous. I didn’t want to turn my baby over to that family, unless I was pretty sure that it was the right thing to do. I thought Adam would be a good father. That part didn’t bother me. It was Sarah and Violet that bothered me, and that gave me pause. Sarah wasn’t a horrible person, but how would she feel about a child that her husband fathered with another woman? It made me nervous thinking about her hatred for me, and there definitely would be hatred when she found out I was pregnant with her husband’s baby. Would that carry over to the baby? Could she love the baby as her own?

  Could I do all of that for money? Did that make me a prostitute? Well, yes I guess it did. Having sex for money was the very definition of being a prostitute. What if I wa
s being paid by someone other than the man I was sleeping with? Did that still count? If it wasn’t technically prostitution, was it considered baby selling? If Violet gave me money to live on, just to help me out, would that be okay? I would just be giving the baby up for adoption technically, so it wasn’t really baby selling, was it? I wasn’t really sure of the answer and didn’t know which was worse. One thing I did know for sure was that I was the one that would have to live with my decision and whichever label I imposed on myself.

  I could probably continue questioning the whole thing and coming up with answers long enough to make it all seem right in my head. The money was terribly tempting. How could I turn it down? I would be set for life, never having to worry about anything ever again. Besides, I could have more children. Girls get pregnant on accident and give up their babies all the time. And they don’t get paid for it. Maybe it would be a really smart thing for me to do. The difference was that I wouldn’t be getting pregnant on accident and giving up my baby because I wasn’t ready. I would be doing in on purpose. Even at 15 years old, that seemed like a really bad decision. And is that decision something I would have to explain to my adult child one day? He or she might want to know why things turned out the way they did. Ugh, so many things to consider. I started drifting off to sleep and decided I would worry about it the next day.

  I spent a restless night tossing and turning, the decision weighing heavily on my mind. I got up early the next morning and knew what I would do. I didn’t want to put off telling Violet what my decision was, so I went looking for her. It was time for her to know. After a while searching, she usually wasn’t that hard to find, I found her in the formal dining room, sipping a cup of hot tea. She looked up from her newspaper as I walked in. She was wearing a bright yellow pantsuit. Believe me when I tell you, yellow was not her color.